Premier League Postpones Manchester City Verdict Until Fall 2062
A visitor to TLO Towers from the future gave us some insight into the pending charges against Manchester City.
This week, news emerged that we would have to wait until at least summer for a verdict to be announced in the case against Manchester City for their alleged flagrant breaking of Premier League financial rules.
Well, in this TLO exclusive, we can report that City’s lawyers have postponed the verdict until at least the fall of 2062.
How are we privy to this information? Well, I had a visit from Future Me, and the transcript of the interview is below:
Me: Holy shit, I’m still alive? I thought we’d decided to step into traffic if I got to 75?
Future Me: Yeah, well, they revived us and replaced all our organs. They wouldn’t let me get out of it that easily, they’ll need me to keep working until at least 85.
Me: But then I can retire at 85, right?
FM: (laughs) No, I’ll be put to death.
Me: That checks out. Anyway, so, the future?
FM: Yeah, well, the Premier League—what’s left of it—is still working on their case against Manchester City. They said they should have a decision in fall of 2062. It’s a complex case, you know.
Me: I’ve heard. Well, I assume they’ve continued being an EPL powerhouse over the next few decades.
FM: Surprisingly no, their owners—and all billionaires, in fact—died in 2043.
Me: THE REVOLUTION FINALLY CAME?!
FM: Not exactly. Elon decided to build an Elysium-esque safe haven for billionaires on Mars-
Me: -the ship exploded on the launch pad, didn’t it?
FM: No, it reached an altitude of tens of meters off the ground before the rapid unscheduled disassembly.
Me: Almost cleared the tower by the sounds of it. So how are The Reds getting on?
FM: Pretty well, actually! We’re expected to lift our 42 league title in a couple of months. Arsenal will come second for an impressive 40 years on the trot.
Me: How are The Blues getting on?
FM: Well, they’re back in Goodison. Bramely-Moore flooded decades ago.
Me: Whoever could’ve seen that coming? Other than everyone. I guess a lot of clubs lost their stadiums, huh?
FM: Yup. Most teams were able to relocate, but about 15,000 Millwall fans were lost, er “lost,” due to a combination of climate denialism and attempting to get into a fight with the rising flood waters.
Me: Ah, so, nothing has changed. Thanks for stopping by.
Source: liverpooloffside.sbnation.com
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